LIFE IS FRUSTRATING

so i guess i have no real problems. i mean, i have food, shelter, love, all that crap. but somehow i am just stuck in "bleh" mode. it has been REALLY hard to motivate myself lately. i just don't get it... am i the laziest bastard in the world? but if that were the case, wouldn't i be CONTENT with my lack of motivation? because i am not. it pisses me off, actually. but somehow the mental inertia is so great that i am still feeling stuck, despite my desire to get moving.

i know it may sound whiney, but SERIOUSLY, sometimes the disability doesn't help me to feel motivated. yesterday i wasted three whole hours getting off the freaking toilet. not all at once, of course, but throughout the day there was a half-hour here, 40 minutes there... it just gets old, you know? it ALMOST makes me want to get a Personal Care Attendant.... it would save me a hella lotta time. but i just don't want that at this point in my life.

isn't it stupid how something as seemingly insignificant as the bathroom can become such a HUGE deal? welcome to Cripdom.

ok, enough ranting for now.