ARBY'S IS THE DEVIL!

I'm a firm believer in moderation... although "to believe" and "to do" are very different things...



Thus, when dieting, there's no point in cutting the "bad" foods that you love to hate out of your diet entirely. Especially when you don't want to do it... you're just setting yourself up for failure! Instead, you should eat these foods in MODERATION! At least that's what I think. But since I am not a personal trainer or a dietitian (in fact, I'm attempting to lose ten pounds as we speak), you probably shouldn't listen to me. Whatever.

So, ANYWAY, over the last two months I've been finding ways to fit in the foods I (hate to) love in a sensible way. Such as: I still get a Peppermint Twist Mocha from Starbucks almost every day (that place is practically a swearword among my liberal hippie friends--DEFINITELY a shop I love to hate), but since I've started dieting I switched from a 12 oz. to an 8 oz. (A.K.A. a "Short"--oddly enough, not on the menu... but they DO exist!), and I never, ever get whipped cream. It's still not the BEST use of my caloric allotment for the day, but it's not the WORST. I love compromises.

My love for compromises and moderation can also explain why I just went to Arby's for a drive-thu dinner.

You should know, I believe that vegetarianism is the most humane and least costly lifestyle out there. HOWEVER, I am (well... was) the WORST vegetarian EVER, for about 9 months during my sophomore year of college. During this agonizing period of my life, I actually had a dream where I stole a big hunk of meat and ate it in a corner where nobody could see me. That's when I decided vegetarianism is just a (personal) lost cause. My body literally CRAVES meat. It's weird.

Anyway, another thing you should know is that I have a (not-so) secret love for CRAPPY, PROCESSED meat. Like shaved turkey a la Carl Buddig, or McDonald's cheeseburgers, or... Arby's Roast Beef Sandwiches (I LOVE those things). I know, I know... processed, factory-farm meats are inexcusable, disgusting, unsustainable, and basically a one-way ticket to Hell. But for some reason I've had trouble cutting my ties with them... their taste is just unlike any other! I can't explain it. I've got to give 'em up eventually, I realize this. I'm just not ready yet! Sigh.




Ahem. Back to dinner: The moderation aspect of my dinner today was that I'd order a Beef 'n Cheddar Deliciousness (440 calories... oops!), but skip the fries and pop. The compromise aspect of my dinner was that I'd ask for a nutrition guide at the drive-thru window, so that I could read it and thus remind myself why Arby's is a rare treat and not a dietary fixture in my life.

Well, guess what I found out??? Arby's Beef 'n Cheddar has TRANS FAT!!! I thought that stuff was practically outlawed! Their Apple Turnover (made from fresh apples, of course... not) has 6 GRAMS of Trans Fat!!! That's pretty much unheard of, isn't it?????

And Trans Fat is just the beginning! Their so-called "Market Fresh" Pecan Chicken Salad Wrap (a seemingly innocuous dish) has a ridiculous 740 CALORIES, and 46 GRAMS OF FAT!!!! That's like 3/4ths of an entire day's allotment of FAT! Eeeew!

Even their biggest, worst-for-you fatty delights (the Bacon Beef 'n Cheddar and the Chicken Cordon Bleu) have less than 600 calories and less than 30 grams of fat... what the HECK is in their "Market Fresh" wraps??? Lard straight from the butcher's block? There should for REALZZZ be a disclaimer on those things. I'd bet you my arm that people regularly choose the Pecan Chicken Salad Wrap because they think it is a "healthy alternative" to the other stuff Arby's has to offer. Poor, misguided saps. They're being duped!

MY FREAKING CAT

My cat is quite possibly the only "companion animal" on Earth that RAISES blood pressure!!! I got her 2.5 years ago as a companion pet to help with my depression, thinking that pretty much any cat could qualify as one of those.

[Although, in all honesty, I basically just wanted a cat and my apartment building wouldn't allow one without an Official Doctor's Note... I know, it's wrong to exaggerate one's depression. But it's also a stupid rule!]

ANYWAY, as I was saying: Never, ever, EVER, adopt a formerly stray cat who needs a home after living with 6 college boys who took it in off the streets and then pretty much just hosted parties in their enormous house while the cat shredded up endless rolls of toilet paper to keep itself entertained...

Because, if you DO make that mistake, you will end up owning one of the most DEVIOUS cats in The History of [wo]Mankind!!! A cat who can open drawers, shred cardboard boxes, and destroy Kleenexes in a heartbeat... even AFTER it's de-clawed!!!

In all seriousness, I'm pretty sure my cat has opposable thumbs. On more than one occasion she has unscrewed the cover of a fish-food container. HOW?!?

Anyway, I write this note because, for the past two hours, I have been listening to her incessant, loud meeeEEEEEOOOOOOOOOoows from the other side of my bedroom door. It would be practically heartbreaking... if I didn't know the nature of the beast.

Perhaps a more naive individual would pity her and let her in. But not I! Because I know that the MICROSECOND after I open up that door, she will jump on my desk (the one place in the WHOLE HOUSE that she is not allowed!) and I will be forced to spray her with a squirt bottle until she jumps down.

But it will not end there... Oh, no. Because she will keep jumping up and I will keep spraying her down, again and again and AGAIN, until my jaw and fists are both clenched in rage... And then, the next time she jumps up (because there always is a next time), she will make me SO MAD that I will have to leave the room (for fear that I will reach my breaking point and actually kill her or do something else stupid that I regret, like pop a blood vessel in my brain). And, at that moment, SHE HAS WON.

And I think she knows it, too...

CURSES!!! CECILIA... CAT OR DEVIL ?