MY FREAKING CAT

My cat is quite possibly the only "companion animal" on Earth that RAISES blood pressure!!! I got her 2.5 years ago as a companion pet to help with my depression, thinking that pretty much any cat could qualify as one of those.

[Although, in all honesty, I basically just wanted a cat and my apartment building wouldn't allow one without an Official Doctor's Note... I know, it's wrong to exaggerate one's depression. But it's also a stupid rule!]

ANYWAY, as I was saying: Never, ever, EVER, adopt a formerly stray cat who needs a home after living with 6 college boys who took it in off the streets and then pretty much just hosted parties in their enormous house while the cat shredded up endless rolls of toilet paper to keep itself entertained...

Because, if you DO make that mistake, you will end up owning one of the most DEVIOUS cats in The History of [wo]Mankind!!! A cat who can open drawers, shred cardboard boxes, and destroy Kleenexes in a heartbeat... even AFTER it's de-clawed!!!

In all seriousness, I'm pretty sure my cat has opposable thumbs. On more than one occasion she has unscrewed the cover of a fish-food container. HOW?!?

Anyway, I write this note because, for the past two hours, I have been listening to her incessant, loud meeeEEEEEOOOOOOOOOoows from the other side of my bedroom door. It would be practically heartbreaking... if I didn't know the nature of the beast.

Perhaps a more naive individual would pity her and let her in. But not I! Because I know that the MICROSECOND after I open up that door, she will jump on my desk (the one place in the WHOLE HOUSE that she is not allowed!) and I will be forced to spray her with a squirt bottle until she jumps down.

But it will not end there... Oh, no. Because she will keep jumping up and I will keep spraying her down, again and again and AGAIN, until my jaw and fists are both clenched in rage... And then, the next time she jumps up (because there always is a next time), she will make me SO MAD that I will have to leave the room (for fear that I will reach my breaking point and actually kill her or do something else stupid that I regret, like pop a blood vessel in my brain). And, at that moment, SHE HAS WON.

And I think she knows it, too...

CURSES!!! CECILIA... CAT OR DEVIL ?